Ever since I graduated college, I had suddenly become aware of the consumeristic hype surrounding the holidays (holy-days). For some reason, in college, they still held magic – maybe it was the magical relief and freeing of my mind from a rigid academic daily existence. Once the marked times of travel – whether the winter holy-days or spring and summer breaks – were no more, and you start working full-time in our “go get IT” society, the cycle and appreciation of LIFE gets lost. It gets lost FAST if you’re not careful.  It is no wonder we are all fried and suffering from a lack of Vitamin D and adrenal fatigue, sitting in front of computers, working harder for “the man.”


Fast forward 15 years, after moving to Hawaii – the place of never-ending summer – where all is evergreen, I had to kind of laugh at the thought of a Christmas tree.  Traditionally, Christmas trees represent the light in the time of darkness. The one living thing that holds its vibrancy through all the seasons. The impact of that in a tropical climate is completely lost.  Add to that, the consumerism and commercial bombardment that begins in September and October, and I was like, magic and wonder do not exist. I have been duped! I must have lost something along the way; I stepped over a threshold at some point and dropped my magic and wonder into an abyss.  


Because this has been niggling at me for at least 20 years, I know it is really important. I know I am not alone here. With the climate, a slower life, and more time to reflect, I have really struggled with this each winter season since being here in Hawaii. This year, though, I really wanted to get to the bottom of where it all went.  Was it because we didn’t have any kids to “relive” our childhood through? After searching the soul of Santa Claus and how we have corrupted the purity of his magic by making him into a symbol of “judgement and not good enough,” I felt a huge NO. While, I have nothing against the Holy Family and fully support the work they did on Earth millennia ago, it had nothing to do with them either because deep down, I know their story has been manipulated too. Jesus’ birthday was conveniently moved to the “Pagan Holy-day” of Winter Solstice to bring more of those heathens into the church! So, I didn’t lose it with Jesus, Mary, or Joseph.  I really began to worry that it was deeper, as though my heart that had shrunk to Grinchy proportions! Then I stopped, and was like, for real?! My heart spaces has expanded a million times over this year. That is not it either.


Thus, I am forced to dig even further, to a time way back before Christianity, patriarchy, and capitalism ruled the world.  I dug so deep, I knew I would be judged for the heathen roots I was searching within and for, but I carried on because the magic and wonder were important, and they were straight-up missing for me, from me, for long enough.


What did I uncover during this archaeological expedition through my human psyche?  Oh, the usual . . . that wonder and magic already reside inside of me. Yep, that is the big fat answer right there.  We’re always searching for that which is right in front of our noses! Can I feel anymore sheepish and silly after questing yet again for “why” the external world wasn’t giving me what my internal world wanted? Well, it is a process, to learn to choose what is within us when we live with a very stimulating and numbing external world.


. . . that wonder and magic already reside inside of me . . .


Still not sure I haven’t completely lost my marbles?  Ha!!! Me too!!! What led me to this realization is that a lot of valuable and powerful wisdom of who we are as beings on this planet has been wiped-out, erased, hidden, eradicated, kept secret, persecuted and destroyed, edited — do you see the pattern?  And while these external references of who we are at our core may have been wiped from the slates or manipulated and re-written, what hasn’t been rewritten , and what can’t be erased by the external world, no matter how hard it tries, is the memory in our physical bodies.  The “computer programming,” if you will, of our Be-ingness contained in our cells, in the very DNA that directs our growth and rejuvenation. Yep, I am talking about memory within the smallest, most finite, atomic and subatomic levels of this human form.


Now let’s just stop for a moment and breathe.  You don’t need to understand the depth of this, but I do want you to acknowledge the magic and wonder of the fact that memory is carried down in our DNA.  It’s not just our brains that are our record keepers – they are the record keepers of this life. Our bodies are the record keepers of ALL LIFE. Magic and wonder. Boom.


Maybe I’ve already gone too far and pushed too many red, hot, holy buttons for some . . . this isn’t a heretic’s diatribe about not believing in Jesus.  Instead, it is a realization that there has been a lot of manipulation to humanity and societies on Earth over a very long time. (Stay tuned for more on this later.)


If we take a moment and tune-in to our bodies through silence (it doesn’t have to be anything fancy or trendy like mindfulness, meditation, prayer, or movement), just tune-in while you tune-out the blabbering of the brain and the external world.  What do you find in that space between? Do you see, hear, feel, or know that magical and wondrous space? I bet you do, you just forgot it was there! In this space, you really can find everything you seek – including the core of your Be-ingness. You are an infinite, divine being, even in the midst of a chaotic world.


You are an infinite, divine being, even in the midst of a chaotic world.


Touching that infinite divinity within for a moment made me see that the magic and wonder of the seasons is not in the holy-days, the worship of Deities (whomever you choose), nor is it in the purchase of 1,000 perfect gifts!  It is in the rawness of our own nature, our connection to the Seasons as beings that cycle with the seasons! Wowza! Yeah, phew, I know. Breathe that in for one crazy minute. What I just said, in case you’re unclear: We have forgotten our magical wondrous-ness because we’re disconnected from the seasons and our very own cyclical nature. It’s been erased, manipulated, deleted, removed from our awareness through the outer world bombardment.  Why do you think tree huggers, hippies, nature-lovers seem so damn happy? Because they KNOW their magic and wonder lies within the connection to our #1 home – Mother Earth.


While we can talk about “grounding,” “earthing,” and our apparent lack of reverence for Mother Earth till we pass out in exhaustion, it is in honoring cycles, seasons of ourselves, our souls and nature herself that we are allowed to reconnect in with the wonder and magic, not just of the holy-days, but with ALL OF LIFE.  All of life is teaming with magic and wonder. For a moment, I ask you to put aside knowledge, understanding, math, science, and the explanation of everything. Instead, in stillness, appreciate the billions of cycles and processes – birth, growth, fruiting, harvest, death, decomposition, birth, growth . . . that are happening right now, right under your nose.  That same nose that hides a lot of blatant truth from us. Be awed by it all; be curious about it, and see all of it reflected within YOU, within your own body, within your own cells, down to the atomic and sub-atomic levels. Feel that?! Feel that with magic, wonder, and awe. It was in you all along.


I love you.